stop.

so where do we go from here? what's next? life keeps moving, no matter how long you hold your breath. i don't know if i'm gaining any insight through all of this. hopefully i'm learning to be patient. hopefully. and hopefully what i'm being patient for still exists, but to be honest, i'm worried. sometimes. it's a strange thing how the brain works, 2 months ago i would've obsessed and dwelled until i went crazy. at least i'm not doing that now, i think i've realized that ultimately that doesn't do anything. life keeps moving, no matter how long i hold my breath. when we met, we quickly realized that our situation was out of our control, no one falls in love that quickly if they can help it, it was clear that it was bigger than us. fate? soulmates? so i guess that's where it sits now, it's bigger than us. so what can i really do, except just go on with life and wait. nothing good in life was ever easy. this has been one hell of a year.. often times lately i've been feeling very reflective, like "how will i view these years when i'm old?" or "what will i do if this doesn't work out?" i want to marry this girl, start a family, i don't know what else i could possibly want more, it's strange to think that way.

things i've downloaded in june.

eyehategod - dopesick
dillinger escape plan - miss machine
maps and atlases - trees, swallows, houses
coliseum - s/t
coliseum - goddamage
coliseum/young widows - split
neurosis - times of grace
nora - save yourself
unsane - scattered, smothered, covered
unsane - visqueen
108 - a new beat from a dead heart
isis & aereogramme - in the fishtank
neurosis - given to the rising
neurosis - enemy of the sun
darkest hour - deliver us
shapes and sizes - split lips, winning hips, a shiner
elo - elo's greatest hits
dream theater - train of thought
dream theater - scenes from a memory
pinback - pinback