?

what is ultimately the purpose of an online journal? do we just want to feel like we're part of some large public happening? i've spent the past 5 days keeping an offline journal. just a text file on my computer where i mark the time and date and make entries when i need it. i'm doing this because i feel it actually makes me feel better. it helps me get my emotions out in the open. sure i'm not airing it to everyone, but my 6th grade teacher put it well when she said "sometimes it just feels better to get it out." this doesn't make me feel 100% better. not even quite 50% better. but ya know what? at this point i'll take what i can get. so why am i making this post on my online journal? instead of just posting in my new offline journal? i don't know to be honest with you. does anyone even read this? i don't know. probably not, i haven't told anyone it exists. who knows?

bloody murderer

i feel like the shell of a person. empty. soulless.

i miss her.

it's been a month since she left. some days are easier than others, but i always miss her. today is not one of the easier days. my body aches for her, it needs her in proximity. i can only hope she'll be back soon, i love her so much, i need to see her. the longer she's away, the harder it gets, and the worse the missing gets. the more i ache. we're talking 100% seriously about things like marriage plans. i totally believe with all my heart that nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life with her. this only makes me fall in love with her more, it only makes me miss her more. i don't know if when she gets back it will be an event of monumental proportions, or if it'll just be good, just be right. either way, as long as i can have her in my arms, i'll be happy.

seriously now!

what the fuck? oh, i should clarify, that's a good what the fuck. as in.... "what the fuck? i didn't think i could fall more in love with this girl, and then somehow she turns around and i do." sigh. i hope this never ends.

the things i think about all day.

my heart stops when i look at you.

i feel like i'm floating when i think of you.

i fall more deeply every time i hear your voice.

i would be totally lost if it weren't for you.

every night i think about kissing you goodnight, and gently touching
your face as we fall asleep in each others arms.

i get more excited every day when i think about spending the rest of
my life with you.

for the first time in my life, i feel like i'm with the most important
person in the world.

for the first time in my life, i feel like everything is really going
to be perfect.

for the first time in my life, i feel like i'm with someone who feels
the same as i do.

i want to do everything for you.

i want to do everything with you.

i have never felt this happy.

i have never felt so loving.

i have never felt so loved.

you are my true love, my soulmate.

sigh... my world.

i am 100% in love with someone. to the point where if a few hours go by without any sort of contact with her, and i start to get depressed. i don't know if that's healthy. but i can't help it. i have never felt like this before, she consumes every thought in my head, and at all times i feel like she is the conductor of my emotions. i hope she never finds out how easily she could take advantage of that. last night i made her upset, with something i said, i'm not sure exactly what it was, but i guess that doesn't exactly matter. the point being, at the moment, i am in one of those depressions. it's not uncommon that we'll go a few hours in the morning without talking, she also has this problem with her cell phone signal where she is currently. causing things like text messages to occasionally take up to 4 hours to be sent. but coupled with the fact that i know she was upset last night, it's basically destroyed me for the time being. this morning has felt like forever, and all i want to do is see her, and kiss her. i will spend the rest of my life with this girl, if it's the last thing i do... she is everything.

the day the music died

harold edwin jordan, sr. rip.

hey there delilah

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Time Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.