blarg

indeed.

things i am feeling right now

extreme excitement at the fact that you SHOULD be back tomorrow.
nervousness that you might NOT be back tomorrow.

i feel like i'm in a surreal state of flux and uncertainty. it doesn't seem real that as soon as tomorrow i may be standing in the airport holding you in my arms. it feels like a dream. something that can't possibly be true. that's where the uncertainty stems from. if you're not back tomorrow, it's not the end of the world to wait a few more days. we've made it this long (2 months, 1 week, 1 day), a few more days isn't the end of the world. i'm just mentally preparing myself for you NOT coming back, so i'm not all sad if it doesn't happen. trying to not get my hopes all crazy.

operation: serotonin levels

walnuts. pineapple. bananas.

need to not be a depressed wreck when you get back.

she turned me into a newt.

i'm doing much better now. just because we aren't talking every day doesn't mean she doesn't love me. i know she loves me. and i love her so much. it took a few things for me to snap out of it. 1. i needed to realize that we were talking more than most couples do. especially more than most couples that are seperated by 2 time zones and 2000 miles. 2. for some reason i needed to convince myself that she loved me. i'm not sure what did it. but something clicked, and now i know. i'm not guessing. i'm not hoping. i know. today is our 2 month anniversary. she said something last night that i found really sweet and touching, she said "the first 2 months of forever." it's little stuff like that. it's just so perfect. this has definately been hard, but i love her so much. not being obsessive is good too.

rush, man.

my trader joe's receipt yesterday came out to be $21.12.